Where the hell do I go from here son ? I miss you so god damn much. I’m spending my life mostly crying sometimes pretending I’m ok but mostly I’m in a daze of disbelief. I can’t believe you have gone. I will never understand how you thought this world would be better without you. It’s not. This world without you is not a world I would choose. I need my first born boy by my side through thick and thin like you always were. I don’t feel you near I don’t sense you around. Where the hell do I go from here ?????