I just can’t get my head round this at all. It’s little Darcy dots christening tomorrow and she should have her uncle Nath there.... instead there’s a whacking big Nathan size hole..... forcing me again to believe you have gone. I hate everything about this life now. I hate that I’m not me any more I hate that I have to pretend to feel joy when all I feel is empty. I hate that I failed as your mum but most of all I hate not seeing you not talking to you not texting you or ringing you not moaning at you or laughing at something daft you’ve said. I’m incomplete without you my eldest my first born my boy. I miss you so much xxxxxxxxxxxx