Don’t seem to be able to pull myself together this time. Usually when I have a bad ‘Nathan’ few days I can sort of pull myself together and just get on with stuff. This time it doesn’t seem to be happening. I’m really trying but I can’t stop crying. The saying time heals is rubbish the saying that with time it gets easier to live with is crap. It’s just getting more and more difficult to understand that I will never see you again. And the guilt..., oh my god the guilt I feel at not being able to fix you. I’m your mum why couldn’t I make it better ?