To say that this week has been difficult is an understatement. Reanns birthday and Darcy’s birthday and you should have been here with us celebrating. Every single aspect of life now comes heavy with sadness. Everything. I love watching the kids smiling and laughing opening presents and having fun but inside my heart is ripping itself to shreads churning and aching to see you hear you hold you. Every happy event is ripped apart by the fact that you arnt here. I more than miss you I ache deep inside. It’s a horrible pain that never leaves and will never leave until I’m gone too. I hate this. I’m living a lie. I’m trying to force myself to enjoy life get on with life but it’s all false. There is no joy to my life now just horrendous pain heartache guilt and a horrible feeling of failure as your mum. I failed to save you. I love you son xxxxxx